Make Love, Not Porn

Click to visit the Siren Stories website and read more work by J.J. Barnes and check out her latest novels.

Click to visit the Siren Stories website and read more work by J.J. Barnes and check out her latest novels.

Sex Education is a very important thing in my opinion, and I don’t think the responsibility to educate children about sex should fall entirely on parents, but also not entirely on teachers. In a world where children are sexting, accessing porn, and having sex at younger and younger ages we need to offer a united front to combat it, and it is my belief that education is the way to do that.

Cindy Gallop is an British executive in New York *edited 26/03/2012* who also finds this issue concerning and set up the company “Make Love Not Porn”. The premise behind this company is that children are so often learning about sex through porn that they come to have unrealistic and unhealthy expectations of sex. Porn is fictitious, it is acting, and “real” people, “real” relationships do not look like that. “Real” sex is far different. Before you decide if you want to get pleasure from porn, you have to understand about sex and it’s implications; making love with a partner who you respect and care for is something very different and our children are not learning this.

There are a lot of arguments that the more we educate our children about sex the more they will want to do it. Teach abstinence and they won’t have sex thus avoiding the problems we have with teenage pregnancy, the rise in teenage STDs, and the concerning trend in young children sending explicit images out into the ether. In some ways I can see this argument, but evidence would suggest it doesn’t work. We are biologically designed to seek out sexual partners and puberty is the age of sexual awakening. Historically once a girl gets her first period she is old enough to bare children and thrust into the adult world to do so. Thankfully times have moved on and we now protect children from adult relationships until a time they’re more likely to be psychologically capable of handling them. But that doesn’t mean children don’t take these cues from their bodies and act on them, whether they should or not.

Personally I am an advocate of education, in every situation. Sex happens, and if we can teach our children how it happens, why it happens and what happens when it does happen, we can better arm them to handle it and to not do it until they are ready. Explain the implications, explain what making love is and how it affects both you and your partner. Don’t let our children learn about sex behind their parent’s and teacher’s backs in a world where sex looks like porn; girls will believe they have to look like, and behave like, the girls in the things they watch, and boys will expect it too and be disappointed with the reality of sex. Sex is a beautiful thing, but it can also be damaging, and that needs to be taught.

Please educate your children. Teach your daughters that their bodies are beautiful and natural, that they don’t have to look like the girls in porn to be sexually attractive, and that they don’t have to do things with their bodies that they aren’t comfortable with just to keep a man interested. Teach your sons to respect women, to understand what a woman’s body looks like when it is not surgically enhanced, and that having sex is about connecting with your minds as well as bodies, not about performing sexual, often degrading, acrobatics. Teach them about contraception as well as the importance of waiting to have sex. Educate, educate, educate. We had sex which is how we got our children, so we owe it to them to understand it so they can make children of their own in a healthy way when they’re ready and with a person they love.

You can check out all my contact info an links on http://www.jjbarnes.co.uk, I’m on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram so you can get in touch on there, as well as find links to all my work. There’s also http://www.sirenstories.co.uk which has all the work by both myself and The Boy (Jonathan McKinney) and loads of extra content such as background stories for different characters. If you want to subscribe on Patreon, its just $1 a month to help support our work and it also grants you access to our extra podcast a week, you can go to http://www.patreon.com/sirenstories.

Thanks as always for reading, and I’ll speak to you soon I hope!

4 responses to “Make Love, Not Porn

  1. I am doing a project on sex education for adolescents and I stumbled upon this wonderful article. I completely agree with you and believe it to be very essential for a child to know about what he or she is physically and emotionally going through. What we all need is some sort of social conditioning.

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    • Absolutely!!! It has to stop being a hidden thing that we pretend nobody does, and accept that it happens and then work with that to achieve a healthy attitude towards sex. Thanks so much for reading good luck with your project I hope it goes well x

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  2. Thank you JudieAnnRose! (And btw, I’m British :))

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