Yesterday a news story came out about a Warwickshire mum who’s son was removed from her just hours after his birth because of the threat her boyfriend posed to him. He has a history of violence and is linked to a Neo-Nazi group called Combat 18 (odd name) and as she wouldn’t leave him, social services took the baby away.
My personal feelings on the matter is that social services did the right thing as I don’t believe that is a safe environment for a child. I don’t believe it is a safe environment for a woman either but she has an element of choice in the matter. However, that is not what I want to discuss, my thoughts are not with whether social services were correct to separate mother and baby, my thoughts are on the fact the mother chose to have her child taken rather than leave her man.
I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I love my baby more than I love my husband. Before I had her I thought I could never love anyone more intensely and truly than I love him. He is my best friend and the love of my life, but it pales compared to how I feel about Miss Rose. I told him and he agreed, he loves her more than he loves me too. I can think of circumstances that would make me choose to leave him, I can’t forsee anything that could make me walk away from her. But I am extremely fortunate.
Baby’s are given up every day because people can’t afford to care for them, they were conceived in abusive circumstances, or because people simply are just not ready for a child, but these are all cases where the children are given up because it is best for them and hopefully (if the system works) they will find loving and supportive homes with adoptive families. Children are also taken by social services for a number of reasons; when the parents are abusive or neglectful, or just unable to cope with having a child. What bothers me about this case is it would appear from the news, obviously taking the fact it is not necessarily true into account but using it as an example anyway, that the mother would be entirely capable or raising her son on her own and indeed wishes to keep him, but knowing she could only keep him if she leaves the abusive partner, chooses the partner over the child.
Our situations are obviously different and the reason I referred to her as having an “element of” choice is because whilst I am married to a gentle, kind man she is married to a violent racist who I imagine to hold a psychological axe over her head. An abusive relationship, be is physical or mental, can take away choice and change who you are as a person, it can make the decisions you make be the decisions of someone else. But to choose a man over your baby? I would choose my baby over my man in a heartbeat.
I hope that she is offered support and help to get out, and I hope that if she is able to then she will be reunited with her child and they can be helped to start a new life away from this man as I think if a parent is ready, willing and able to raise their own child then that is where the child should be. I feel desperately sorry for the mother of this boy, I imagine she is in a hideous situation, but I also cannot understand why she came to the choice she made. I do not feel sorry for the baby, assuming he is cared for and safe with a foster or adoptive family he is certainly in a better place than the home of such a man. I know when we are ready to adopt in the next few years that it may well be a child taken from such a situation, I just hope that down the line this woman and others like her don’t realise the mistake they have made and drown in regret. Love for your partner can die, it happens every day, love for your child is something unique and everlasting.
You can check out all my contact info an links on http://www.jjbarnes.co.uk, I’m on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram so you can get in touch on there, as well as find links to all my work. There’s also http://www.sirenstories.co.uk which has all the work by both myself and The Boy (Jonathan McKinney) and loads of extra content such as background stories for different characters. If you want to subscribe on Patreon, its just $1 a month to help support our work and it also grants you access to our extra podcast a week, you can go to http://www.patreon.com/sirenstories.
Thanks as always for reading, and I’ll speak to you soon I hope!