I am finding things a little hard going with Miss Rose at the minute. Not parenting her or caring for her, I am completely in love with her and love everything about being a mum. What I’m struggling with is that in the night she is still feeding constantly. Last night she fed at 9, 11, 12, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and we got up at 530. It is hard going and I am very tired and it has been nearly 6 months.
She is entirely breastfed but yesterday we gave her a bottle of hungry baby formula to see if it would fill her and she has been violently sick on a regular basis since. We think she might be allergic. We are taking her to the health visitors today to get some advice on milk allergies and whether they have any tips for how to fill her up better and get her to sleep for longer.
I am not expecting her to sleep through the night and I do not resent night feeds, but I feel like she is too hungry, I am not filling her, and I am exhausted trying. She isn’t properly swallowing her solids yet, though she enjoys playing with them, and I just need some help.
I posted about my situation on Facebook and have received a lot of helpful advice, support and encouragement from many of my friends with children. However, what I am SICK of is this.
“Welcome to parenthood, stop moaning” and “Well my baby did this for seven months” and “Mine didn’t sleep through until she was 5 and I was fine” and “My baby NEVER slept and I coped”
Just shut up. I am sick of being told by so many people that they had a harder to deal with baby and they coped better than I did. I am sick of the suggestion that I am moaning. I am not moaning, I am seeking advice. I am admitting that I am struggling and asking for suggestions.
Yes, there are many women who are better mothers than me and yes I know that they think I’m being pathetic. But I don’t care. I admire them and their strength and abilities but I am not them and asking for help and advice does not make me weak, it makes me human.
If you are struggling and are scared of getting these responses I feel your pain. As if I don’t feel guilty enough all ready they have to just add to it by reminding me that for millions of years women have been coping without all the facilities I have access to. That they have coped fine in situations harder than my own.
My advice is this. Still ask. I am grateful to everyone who shared their experiences and things they tried, things that worked and things that didn’t. I am grateful for all the simple “xxx” comments that show solidarity. The people who are proud to share how much better they are at being parents than me I am pleased for, but wish they would keep that to themselves.
I am tired, I am not a bad mother. I am asking for help, I am not weak. I am admitting when things are hard, but I love this child with everything I have and show it her every damn day and I refuse to believe any perfect parents could love their children more.
You can check out all my contact info an links on www.jjbarnes.co.uk, I’m on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram so you can get in touch on there, as well as find links to all my work. There’s also www.sirenstories.co.uk which has all the work by both myself and The Boy (Jonathan McKinney) and loads of extra content such as background stories for different characters. If you want to subscribe on Patreon, its just $1 a month to help support our work and it also grants you access to our extra podcast a week, you can go to www.patreon.com/sirenstories.
Thanks as always for reading, and I’ll speak to you soon I hope!