The seven month old Miss Rose is still sleeping in our bedroom and still feeding in the night. Her father tentatively asks when we might be moving her into her own room (currently beautifully decorated and being used as storage…) and I tell him that when she’s stopped feeding several times a night I will consider moving her.
Thing is of course I want her in her own room. I’d like to be able to make love to my husband in our bed rather than on the living room floor. I’d like to be able to read a book with the light on rather than on my iPad hidden under the duvet. I’d like to be able to talk and laugh rather than converse in hushed whispers.
But equally so I don’t want her gone! It’s not only the feeding, although of course that’s a huge contributing factor, I find her presence comforting. Any time I’m worried I just stretch an arm through the bars and feel her little chest moving up and down. I can hear when she cries, when she yawns, when she turns over. I love her being so close to me and I truly believe that when I do move her, which I will, I will actively miss her. She’s in bed right now and I miss her… but I’m very grateful for the down time. It’s a real mix of emotions.
My extreme failings in attempts at Crying It Out mean I am still feeding her several times a night. Good nights three times, bad nights every hour, but I’m not ready to force her into sleeping through so continue to feed I will.
She usually wakes between 830 and 930 for her first feed, and after that I put her back in her cot. After her second feed she usually goes back into her cot. After the third, fourth or fifth she tends to stay put next to me. The up, down, up, down, up, down through the night is more exhausting than the constant not deep but resting state I’m in when she’s sleeping in my bed. I’m happy letting her fuss before feeding her and sometimes she puts herself back to sleep but usually she is hungry and wants to eat.
When she wakes at 430-5 I bring her into bed and boob her for as long as I can to get a little more shut eye. Some nights I really, desperately need that extra bit of time.
I have started doing something new. When I put her down instead of doing the in-out-in-out of controlled crying I stay. I sit on the bed and watch her. Usually just for a minute as she settles beautifully, but occasionally she disturbs or cries. When this happens I gently stroke her back and head and so far she has settled back down quickly. From this success I have decided to try it in the night.
When start to hear her disturb if it sounds like she’s not settling then I do the same, I stroke and pat very gently and sometimes she calms back down and goes back to sleep. If she doesn’t then I feed her, but when she settles I feel a sense of victory and I take it as a sign that perhaps one day she truly will need fewer breast feeds!
It does involve a lot of up down, and sometimes I just don’t have the energy so perhaps I undo all my good work. I don’t know but I’m trying to find something that works for us and so far this seems to be.
Good luck to anyone else trying to get a bit of sleep!
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Thanks as always for reading, and I’ll speak to you soon I hope!