Miss Rose has started suffering from, what I presume are, night terrors. In the night she will go from sleeping soundly and happily to panicked screams, thrashing around, scratching and slapping. Sometimes she cries out “mummy mummy mummy” other times she must screams and cries. But it’s sudden and she’s still asleep when she starts doing it. It’s scary.
I hold her tight, but often have to let her go because she’s too strong. When she takes a pause i cuddle her again, kiss her gently and stroke her face. Eventually she calms down and often goes back to sleep, other times she is unsettled and keeps crying then I give her milk. I always manage to calm her down and get her back to sleep, but it’s troubling when it’s going on.
Cuddles, kisses and milk. These things will solve her deepest and most painful troubles. Many people believe that at this age she shouldn’t be having milk in the night, should be left in her own room without attention in the night. But not me. If I can make her feel better from a place of such terror with such simple things then I can’t deny her. I won’t.
Part of being a mummy is being there to make your child feel better when they’re sad and that’s something I am happy to give my time, my sleep, to do. And it won’t always be so simple. Soon she will be facing things like failure, heartache and betrayal. Things I can’t make go away and I can’t fix.
My mum assures me that the desire to fix your baby’s problems doesn’t go away as they grow, that even when Miss Rose is approaching thirty I will still worry about her and still long to fix things. So whilst I can, whilst it’s possible, I am going to make Miss Rose feel safe and warm and happy. I am going to stop the pain and stop the fear. I am going to hold her close, give her kisses, feed her milk. I am going to feel grateful that such simple things take away any negatives in her life and try to fill it with so many positives that the negatives are squashed out of existence.
Because that is what mummies do.
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Thanks as always for reading, and I’ll speak to you soon I hope!