Tomorrow Miss Rose will be spending alone time with daddy for the first time since he left. And he only took her alone a handful of times before he left.
Recently he has been really good. He has been seeing her more regularly, seemed friendlier and more connected when he’s seen her, and also been in communication about her more. He has been making a real effort and it has been appreciated, but I was still hesitant when he offered.
I was going to be putting her into the crèche at the gym. I am having a session with a personal trainer, because apparently I’m something of a masochist, and when I told him he offered. Part of me is hesitant because it is so I can do something completely selfish and I don’t like leaving her for serious things let alone selfish things, and also because when he left I lost my trust in him. Leaving her with someone I don’t trust, whoever it is, terrifies me.
Miss Rose adores her father, and from what I can tell he adores her too. At some point my lack of trust in him for what he did to me has to take a back seat to what she needs for her relationship with her father to develop. Accepting our new relationship status as people who get on and have a child together requires I start rebuilding trust in him as this new figure in our lives. Start allowing him to prove himself as a father, without being a husband. It’s a new role but it is a role.
Actually doing it is going to be very hard and I know I won’t relax until I have her back. I also know that it’s something I need to do. If he wants a more active role in her life, which it appears he does right now, then it would be wrong of me to deny it. Yes there will be limits to what I’m okay with, and it will have to go at my pace, but this is a first step. It’s a first step and a significant one for us all.
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Thanks as always for reading, and I’ll speak to you soon I hope!