When Miss Rose loves someone, she loves them with a complete and overwhelming innocence. It is the love of a person who has never had their love betrayed. There is no fear, and no suspicion, and no embarrassment. It is pure and it is true.
When her father left she fell apart. She had panic attacks, she cried and screamed, she begged his name and searched the house for him and his belongings. The pain she felt was her first pain. It was the first time anyone had hurt her heart. But she is too young to have been scarred, her memory now is of daddy never having lived with us, and she appears to be unscathed.
If I get involved with a man and fall in love, fall utterly head over heels in love, then she will fall in love with him too. Any man who comes into our lives in a serious way will become a father figure, a man she can look up to, respect, love. A man she will come to lean on and need in her life. Because a step father, at least a good step father, is that. I see men stepping into the lives of the children of my friends, and that is what they become. Essential to those children.
If I fall head over heels in love with someone and, as men have before, he tramples that love then I know I will survive. I know I’ll keep smiling and keep living, because that’s what I’ve done every other time. I have a battle scarred heart. But Miss Rose? I cannot bare for her to go through that again. Especially when she would be old enough to remember and old enough to understand what is happening. No little girl should have a man hurt her like that.
Being a mum means any decision I make affects not just me. A casual relationship can be kept away from her. Occur after bedtime, away from her life. A serious one… that’s different. It would impact her. It would put her in the direct firing line for pain, betrayal, and heartache.
If I were to allow that to happen then on my head be it. Because if I ever cause her to again be hurt by a man she has grown to love and to trust then I will never forgive myself. Heartbreak floors adults, ruins adults, so for a sweet and trusting little person like Miss Rose… it could break her.
You can check out all my contact info an links on www.jjbarnes.co.uk, I’m on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram so you can get in touch on there, as well as find links to all my work. There’s also www.sirenstories.co.uk which has all the work by both myself and Jonathan McKinney and loads of extra content such as background stories for different characters. If you want to subscribe on Patreon, its just $1 a month to help support our work and it also grants you access to our extra podcast a week, you can go to www.patreon.com/sirenstories.
Thanks as always for reading, and I’ll speak to you soon I hope!