Click to visit the Siren Stories website and read more work by J.J. Barnes and check out her latest novels.

Click to visit the Siren Stories website and read more work by J.J. Barnes and check out her latest novels.

My odd ball little child has a new obsession. Plates.

If she can think of a reason to need a plate, she excitedly shouts” PLATE!” and charges full pelt for the kitchen.

Time is put into selecting the correct plate. The plastic plates are stored under the plastic bowls, which are carefully placed to the side, then the selection process begins. Woe betide anyone who assumes the plate in her hand is the one she wants to use. Do not remove that from her hand and place a food item on it. It is the WRONG plate. If it was originally going to win in the plate selection game it will automatically lose now you have assumed she wants to use it. And she will let you know. Loudly.

The selection will often be narrowed to two potential plates. These plates are held aloft and considered. I hasten to point out that these plates are identical in every way save the colour. Occasionally she goes off piste and selects the chunky plastic “diggers” plate. But that’s usually a straight forward choice and it’s because she’s feeling controversial.

Eventually a choice will be made and the chosen plate handed over, ready for use. She is a very good girl and carefully replaces the discarded plates, then retrieves the cast aside bowls, and stacks them back on top. The cupboard door is closed with a triumphant bang and she looks at me, surprised I have no yet leapt to obey her subconscious desire. “Cheese mummy!”

This process happens several times a day. For anything. If I’m eating food, she needs a plate. If she wants a biscuit, it has to go on a plate. If you give her a single chocolate button, it needs a plate.

A currently in use / previously used but now empty plate WILL NOT SUFFICE. Once the food item she wants to eat touches the previously used plate it will become inedible.

Of course… sometimes it will become inedible just because it has been removed from the packet and offered to her.

Sometimes she will realise that actually that is not the item she wanted and she must have a new plate for the actual food she wanted.

I don’t let her get away with it, I must point out. I did for a while, out of sheer curiosity more than anything, but now I draw a line. We still get through far too many plates but once she has been given a food she has that or nothing. This does result in some remarkably impressive tantrums, and mummy day dreaming of the bottle of wine in the fridge, but it means there is less wasted food. And a little bit less washing up.

Such a tiny little weirdo.

You can check out all my contact info an links on, I’m on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram so you can get in touch on there, as well as find links to all my work. There’s also which has all the work by both myself and Jonathan McKinney and loads of extra content such as background stories for different characters. If you want to subscribe on Patreon, its just $1 a month to help support our work and it also grants you access to our extra podcast a week, you can go to

Thanks as always for reading, and I’ll speak to you soon I hope!


2 responses to “Plate!

  1. We have plate fights too…has she asked for a plate with a character on that you don’t have? That’s a good one mine like to use… then have a massive tantrum because I don’t have the right plate selection!



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