Speed Crook

Click to visit the Siren Stories website and read more work by J.J. Barnes and check out her latest novels.

Click to visit the Siren Stories website and read more work by J.J. Barnes and check out her latest novels.

Miss Rose is a speed crook. Speed ninja crook.

If she is doing something she knows is naughty, and believe me she knows, and you catch her she will move at lightning speed to attempt to complete whatever crime she is in the midst of before you can get to her.

“No Rose, don’t climb on that. Rose, do not climb on that. ROSE! GET DOWN! ROSE GET DOWN NOW!” And thus she is removed from whatever object she has scaled at speeds Spiderman would be impressed by.

“Rose darling, please leave your shoes on. Rose, do not take those shoes off. ROSE! SHOES!… Rose, go and get your shoes back please.”

I do not want to be a helicopter mum. I don’t want to lurk over her like a large, caffeine fuelled shadow that jumps in before she manages to do anything not ideal. I would like to be able to give her instructions that are obeyed. (I have a relatively vivid memory of my childhood, and a very good memory of my teenage years, and realise that this is an ask of the tallest order… but still).

The thing that frustrates me is I do not give her instructions that are not for a good reason. I don’t believe in exerting power just for power’s sake. If she wants to wear something peculiar then she wears it. If she wants to play with the toy at the back of the shelf then I will rummage to obtain it for her. There is no reason to argue over things that don’t matter.

Climbing? Dangerous. Throwing her shoes? Wet tights.

These are genuine instructions for genuine reasons, and the little madam goes like The Flash to disobey. Then looks smug. Then screeches with blind white fury because I correct the situation.

If it is this bad now… wait until she’s a teen.

“Rose, that is underwear not clothes. Rose, go and put a cardigan on over that now. ROSE! CLOTHES! NOW!”


You can check out all my contact info an links on www.jjbarnes.co.uk, I’m on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram so you can get in touch on there, as well as find links to all my work. There’s also www.sirenstories.co.uk which has all the work by both myself and Jonathan McKinney and loads of extra content such as background stories for different characters. If you want to subscribe on Patreon, its just $1 a month to help support our work and it also grants you access to our extra podcast a week, you can go to www.patreon.com/sirenstories.

Thanks as always for reading, and I’ll speak to you soon I hope!


4 responses to “Speed Crook

  1. Lol!!! That is all!!!


  2. I am with you here. My daughter likes to see how far she can push boundaries and also does not like to listen. My mother-in-law just bought a children’s book on obeying. Nice try, Nana. They do have a mind of their own at this age. We just have to stay consistent. I am the same with not telling my daughter to do something just because I can. She wears some nutty outfits and I don’t mind as long as she is happy and weather appropriate. I had to giggle during that part of your post. Good luck.


  3. Oh how much I identify with this post! Let me count the ways… I, too, am trying not to be a helicopter mum, but sometimes it’s really hard and it’s a damn good job she’s cute or she’d be on EBay!

    “Molly, don’t poke the cat’s nose. No, don’t poke his nose. If you poke his nose again he’ll scratch you. Oh, did he scratch you? Well I did tell you!”



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