Tomorrow night Miss Rose will be staying at my mother’s house. It will be the second time she has been to my mum’s over night, and the third time in total we have spent a night apart.
It is not for something serious, it is not essential, it is because I am going on a date with The Boy. I am going out to eat, drink, and dance with the man I love. Out at night, dressed in heels and something slinky, whilst my baby girl is somewhere else. It is purely selfish but actually I am okay with that.
There are to responses to things like this, and both are valid arguments.
I have been told that, as I am young, I should seize these opportunities. My mother is there to help, she wants to help, and if I let her it means I get to have fun. Having a child does not take your life, and whilst I am very happy being on mummy-duty 24/7 most of the time, it is rather lovely to be able to swan off into adult-land and not have nappies, wipes, a juice cup, some snacks, a cuddly sheep and (for some reason) a single mega block in my handbag. To know that if I have a glass too many that I don’t have to get up at 530 in the morning, make toast, and pretend I don’t want to murder Pingu in some violent and savage way. My mum loves Miss Rose, and Miss Rose adores her nanny. Both are happy with this arrangement, and (early start for nanny aside) neither suffer.
The alternative opinion is this, what matters more, being with your child or going out drinking? Until very recently I spent every night with Miss Rose. The idea of leaving her ate me up and I couldn’t do it. I would have rather spent the night on my own, on the sofa watching TV, knowing I was in the same building as Miss Rose than going out having fun with my friends. Miss Rose matters more than going out drinking. So I stayed with her. All day. All night. Every day. Every night.
It took time, a lot of time, but I realised that being so co-dependent with my child isn’t healthy. I became so lost in being “mum” that I forgot to be “Jude”.
Now I’m mum, I am Jude, and I am girlfriend. Three roles. Being mum is the most important one, the one I love more than any other, and the one I will always make my priority. But the other two roles are important too. Very important.
Tomorrow night I will be going out. I will be Jude and I will be girlfriend. I will still be mum, that job never disappears, but sometimes it takes a backseat. My baby girl will be happy and loved, safe and warm, and with someone she loves and trusts completely. I will be outside after dark and having a blast with The Boy.
My advice is this, your “mum” role matters most. But your other roles still matter. Taking time away from being “mum” doesn’t make you less of a mum, it doesn’t make you a bad mum, and it doesn’t make you a lazy mum. What it makes you is human. Time off, time away, gives both me and Miss Rose a break from one another. It isn’t a bad thing, we both come back refreshed and relaxed, ready to start again.
Look out world, I’m coming out, and with no babysitter deadline to get home for I am going to be letting my hair down, shaking my bum, and kissing my man.
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Thanks as always for reading, and I’ll speak to you soon I hope!