There is something terrifying on a raw, deep level about seeing a tiny baby wired to machines with tubes providing food and oxygen. It’s a more terrifying experience than seeing anyone else in that situation. It’s even more terrifying when it’s a baby you know and love. That’s the current reality for my beautiful baby niece.
Seeing her like that, in contrast to Miss Rose who rampaged around the hospital room, playing with toys and dancing, made me want to sit on the floor and hold my girl as close to me as possible and never let her go. Her tiny, vulnerable little form relying on so many machines. I cried.
In honesty what moved me more was the sight of her mother. As soon as I knew she was going to pull through, that the absolute terror of will she/won’t she was over and now it’s just a waiting game, then my heart’s energy moved to my beautiful friend.
When Miss Rose was in hospital for one day, for a problem that for her was a mere irritation and she had no long term damage from, I was in bits. I had a toddler who, for all intents and purposes, was completely fine, charging around the children’s ward and giggling like normal, and I was a broken woman. This memory of how much my whole body wrecked from the sheer fear and panic of what might happen to my daughter is vivid. It is real. What my friend is going through is on a far higher plane.
There is something deeply moving about a strong, loving, calm woman, standing by her baby’s crib, monitoring the oxygen levels with a furrowed brow, and reassuring everyone else that things are okay. When she offered me a sympathetic hug as I dabbed my eyes in the corner it nearly broke me. To be so strong and so loving that she could be the one to dole out the sympathy and care when it’s she who is dealing with every mother’s worst fear… I have no words.
Hold your baby’s tight, and think of my beautiful niece and her amazing mother.
There is a song lyric by Zero 7 “there’s beauty in the breakdown”; as her world falls down and her fear’s come to life, my friend is holding up and shining through, a true beauty showing the world how to be a good mother.
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Thanks as always for reading, and I’ll speak to you soon I hope!