Tornado Of Chaos

Click to visit the Siren Stories website and read more work by J.J. Barnes and check out her latest novels.

Click to visit the Siren Stories website and read more work by J.J. Barnes and check out her latest novels.

Yesterday my best friend got her beautiful little girl Christened. It was a gorgeous ceremony, Evelyn Rose was surrounded by her family and friends, people who love her and are excited for her to be joining the world. Adoring faces surrounded the font, gazing at the new life that was being celebrated…

And then there was Rose.

Whilst all the quiet, calm and gentle ceremony happened INSIDE the Church, Miss Rose was OUTSIDE the Church “hunting lions” around the headstones having been ejected from the service after crimes such as removing her nappy with squeals of glee, charging around the aisles, clambering over the pews, and blowing raspberries at the vicar.

A vision in a pink butterfly dress, Spiderman socks and skull and cross bone trainers, Miss Rose decided that the day of Evie’s Christening was the day she was going to be particularly head strong, exceptionally noisy, and very, very definitely ROSE.

After we survived the ceremony, with the help of three very patient and helpful grandparents, we headed to the reception. A room bedecked with pink roses, bunting and decorations, and filled to the brim with cakes of every type.

It took Miss Rose all of seventeen seconds to establish the location of the aforementioned cakes, target them, approach them, and lick at least 39% of them. She climbed on the windowsills, she ran in circles around the tables shrieking, and she beat up several small boys. I pursued her in extremely uncomfortable red silk shoes with obscenely high heels whilst howling “NO! OH GOD NO! PUT THAT DOWN! ROSE NO! PLEASE NO!” whilst my shoes clack clack clacked in time.

We met new friends, caught up with old ones, and introduced Rose to people whom she hadn’t met. With an apology. Indeed I said “sorry” more times yesterday than I do in a normal week, and I’m carrying a guilt complex the size of a Land Rover with me. Indeed I managed to spill Evie’s father’s coffee over not only him, but The Boy, The Boy’s Mother, and Z, whilst chasing Miss Rose as she made a break for freedom and headed for the carpark, shrieking “SORRY!” over my shoulder as I disappeared out the door.

This would have all been fine had war not broken out over who gets to sit on the yellow plastic chair and who was stuck with the green one at the colouring in table. As three separate children wanted the yellow one, and Miss Rose is the biggest, stroppiest and loudest of all, I had to drag her away kicking and screaming whilst she used every form of baby profanity in her arsenal and kicked an elderly lady in passing as I headed for the door.

Ah my wee girl. She’s a joy. A delight. The love of my life, the apple of my eye, the huge pain in my arse. She is so often a true pleasure to be around, head strong yes, but smart, funny and loving. She loves to make people smile and laugh, and she loves to make friends. Apparently what she also loves is to reek havoc across rooms of strangers.

Fortunately for all involved, Evie’s parents already love her, Evie’s parent’s friends are all pretty awesome, and anybody who gave me snooty “control your brat” face were people I didn’t know so probably don’t have to see again any time soon. I call that a victory… despite the way I fell on the bottle of Pinot Grigio waiting in our fridge once we got home.

You can check out all my contact info an links on, I’m on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram so you can get in touch on there, as well as find links to all my work. There’s also which has all the work by both myself and Jonathan McKinney and loads of extra content such as background stories for different characters. If you want to subscribe on Patreon, its just $1 a month to help support our work and it also grants you access to our extra podcast a week, you can go to

Thanks as always for reading, and I’ll speak to you soon I hope!



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