Born To Love, Taught To Hate

Click to visit the Siren Stories website and read more work by J.J. Barnes and check out her latest novels.

Click to visit the Siren Stories website and read more work by J.J. Barnes and check out her latest novels.

We aren’t born with hatred in our hearts. I know this because from the moment my daughter has been able to interact with other humans she has treated them all equally. She hasn’t been scared of the Muslims she’s met. She hasn’t judged the gay people she’s met. She hasn’t been disgusted by the fat people she’s met. All she knew was if someone was nice to her, smiled at her, laughed and chatted, then she liked them. Where they were born, what they believe, who they love… none of those things registered with her and, hopefully, they never will. Because I will never teach her that they matter.

Hatred is learned and it is indoctrinated and, for people all over the place, it is big business.

Currently we are mostly supposed to hate Muslims, Arabs, and anyone who looks vaguely like they might be Muslims or Arabs.

I don’t know the reasons why we need this particular bogey man at the minute, I don’t know the reason why the government and the right wing media like to distort facts and use scare tactics to convince us that all Muslims are bad people, but they do and it’s obvious (if you’re willing to look past the head lines).

I live near Stoke on Trent and there is a popular water park there called Water World. Recently they made national headlines for “imposing Islam-friendly swimwear on customers and banning bikinis”. The picture used showed happy white people playing in the water in the background, behind a woman looking stern in her burka. Outrage. There was the most vitriolic sentiments of  hatred for every single Muslim in Britain because of this rule.

The thing is, it’s bullshit. Pure bullshit. Water World had been hired, outside of normal working hours and therefore not putting a single customer out, by an Islamic Women’s Group. It meant that women who might normally not feel comfortable using the facilities in the standard times were able to enjoy the park themselves in a situation they feel happy with. The EDL are planning to protest because women want to pay for and use a service in a way they feel safe and happy with. Who are they putting out? Nobody. Not a single damn person who would normally use Water World during normal times will have any inconvenience put on them, and women who would normally be excluded from this aspect of the human experience (by their own choice perhaps, but that is a choice they have the full freedom to make) are able to enjoy an evening at a water park.

Photo credit Ajupastryo

Photo credit Ajupastryo

Why do we need this?

I’m informed that it’s because Muslims, all Muslims according to some, are dangerous. They’re blowing people up (The London Bombings), they’re hijacking planes (9/11) and they’re murdering their own people in Syria. Because of this, people think all Muslims should apologise. All Muslims. Every single man, woman and child born and raised in this particular religion.

Last week, in South Carolina, a man walked into a Church and murdered 9, injuring more, of it’s worshippers.

In May 2014, in Isla Vista, California, a man murdered 7 college students and wounded 13 more on a stabbing and shooting frenzy.

In September 2013, in Washington DC, a man went on a shooting spree, killing 13 and injuring 3.

I’m giving a TINY extract of the number of mass shootings in America by young, white men. Literally tiny.

So why are young, white, American men not the bogey man? Why are young, white American men not expected to apologise en masse for the crimes of a few? Why are we not condemning all Americans in the same way we condemn all Muslims? Why are we not seeing all men as potential hazards like we see all Muslim men? Why why why?

This doesn’t make any sense to me.

We create these borders, these country outlines that are subject to politics and thus movable, and then within these country outlines we befriend other countries and stand together to fight whichever enemy is currently befalling us. It’s been done since the dawn of time. If our friends do it, murder, rape, pillage, we hold hands together and mourn together blaming drugs, depression, horror films. If our enemies do it we blow them up from the skies, hunt them down within our own boundaries, and vilify them in the media until they’re treated like lesser humans for doing absolutely not a damn thing wrong except being the same religion as some other murderers in another country.

Austria and Germany united against Jews who were seen as public enemy number one. All Jews. Any person of Jewish decent was made out to be dangerous, a threat to their way of life, stealing their jobs, stealing their women (because we all know women are an object which can be stolen), and ruining their country with their ways and religion.

What we need to remember is this: humans are humans. We might be born in different countries, but we didn’t chose to be. We might have different religions, different sexes, different belief systems. But fundamentally we are all flesh, blood and bone. Being a Muslim doesn’t automatically make you a terrorist. Being a white, American man doesn’t automatically make you a murderer. It’s just not how it works. Fundamentally most people in the world just want to live, laugh, eat, chill in front of the TV with a box of chocolates sometimes. We want to raise our families, enjoy our hobbies, and go see the latest Jurassic Park movie with our friends. That’s it.

J.J. Barnes, Rose And Mum And More, Blog, Parenting Blog, Mummy Blog, Racism Blog

Photo credit Cheryl Holt

As soon as we start teaching our children that because someone was born on the wrong side of the border, because someone was born into a different religion or a different sex, then they are different and therefore dangerous, we start doing damage to ourselves as society. We are not different. We are just people who want to live our lives, have some fun, and go home to our loved ones to get a good night’s sleep. Our kids can see that until we start telling them that’s wrong. Instead of teaching our children to hate we should let them teach us how to love and go from there.

You can check out all my contact info an links on, I’m on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram so you can get in touch on there, as well as find links to all my work. There’s also which has all the work by both myself and Jonathan McKinney and loads of extra content such as background stories for different characters. If you want to subscribe on Patreon, its just $1 a month to help support our work and it also grants you access to our extra podcast a week, you can go to

Thanks as always for reading, and I’ll speak to you soon I hope!


3 responses to “Born To Love, Taught To Hate

  1. My name is none of your fucking business alright

    You are incorrect dear. We are all born to hate. You just got lucky and got a good kind little girl but I know you have something hidden. That little girl had to do something like being selfish, not letting people play with her toys, or something like that. I have a baby brother and he is completely the opposite of your daughter. He is only one and he has hit, pushed, hurt other people and he wanted to do it because when he does it he keeps doing it with a smile like he felt relief within it. But keep in mind that he only hits people who push him. None of us taught him this. We constantly keep telling him to not hit people and be kind but it’s hard. Hate is natural and kindness is learned. No one in there lifetime hasn’t hated one thing before. Ok


    • I’m sorry but there is general child naughtiness. which all children are guilty of, and outright discriminating hatred.

      My daughter has of course been naughty and hit and been selfish, she’s learning, but that’s not learning how not to hate, that’s learning to understand herself and the world around her. Those actions don’t come out of hatred, they come out of lack of awareness.



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