If you ever wanted a good chuckle, you should have been present in my head when I first found out I was pregnant. You should have heard the little lecture I gave myself.
I remember being pregnant with Miss Rose. I remember how faddy my eating became. I suddenly developed a passion for Ribena, stuff I’ve always hated even in childhood, but only from cartons with a straw. I loved it. I drank quantities of it. I suddenly craved cake by the bucket load. I sometimes eat cake, lemon flavour will always lure me in, but general plain sponge cake does nothing for me. Apart from during my pregnancy with Rose when I would eat an entire sponge cake in one sitting. I suddenly hated things like falafal and sun dried tomatoes. My diet became pretty rubbish and I ate a LOT of junk food.
This time I remember telling myself, in a very stern and authoritative voice, that cravings and aversions were all in my head. I am in charge of this pregnancy, not the other way around. I am a strong, confident woman who can conquer all such craziness and eat the most healthy, vitamin packed, vegetable loaded diet a pregnant woman could dream of eating. I was going to give my baby the best start in the womb it could possibly have because I was not going to listen to that voice telling me what a great time it is to get away with eating chips for every meal and ice cream all the time.
Oh how you would have laughed.
Turns out I didn’t remember being pregnant with Miss Rose that well at all. Let me assure you, cravings are aversions are most definitely not in my head. At all.
I sit here writing this having just had a packet of crisps and a mint chocolate chip ice cream for my lunch. Am I proud of that? Hell no. Am I grateful there is still food in the world I can eat without wanting to cry? Hell yes.
For much of this pregnancy jacket potatoes were a safety food for me. I had them every meal out and most meals at home, just because they are healthy and I wasn’t feeling sick at the sight or smell of them. On Monday my mum took me out for lunch and I ordered a jacket potato. When it came I cried. I cried in the middle of the cafe because eating it was so traumatic. A freaking jacket potato. I tried to get it down me, I new I needed the sustenance and I hate wasting food, but it was such a struggle and every mouthful seemed to take hours to work it’s way down.
I’m a vegetarian and love cooking, I would do curries and chillis and casseroles for us almost every night, loaded with vegetables like kale, celery, peppers and loads of different beans all in spicey sauces. I made one of those for The Boy recently, though there was no way I could possibly eat it myself. I forced myself to cook it, gritting my teeth to get it made, then left it out for him after work. Being near him whilst he ate that was sheer torture. I had to sit on the other side of the room and when he came near me I was nearly sick. When he’d shoved it down as fast as he could, and washed his mouth out, he gave me a sympathetic kiss. Then I did throw up.
Crisps are building this baby. Chip shop chips are building this baby. Cake and McDonald’s built Miss Rose and she’s one of the most spectacular human beings that ever existed so in honesty I don’t think it can be that bad a thing, but I do wish I really had been able to somehow mind control myself into not having any aversions because life would be so much easier!
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Thanks as always for reading, and I’ll speak to you soon I hope!