Tag Archives: Baby Crying

Baby’s C.V

J.J. Barnes, Siren Stories, The Lilly Prospero Series, Rose And Mum And More, Mummy Blogger, Parenting Blog

Click to visit the Siren Stories website and read more work by J.J. Barnes and check out her latest novels.

NAME

Baby Boo

DOB

July 2016

ADDRESS

Wherever Mummy’s Boobs Are

EDUCATION

I have studied under the masters; my big sister and big brother.  Under their tutorage I have mastered the arts of fake crying when I want something, and throwing things when I don’t.

SPECIAL SKILLS

Clapping

Raspberry Blowing

Roaring

Growling

Falling off things

Crawling into things

Grabbing things

Biting

SPECIAL INTERESTS

I am passionately interested in remote controls and mobile phones, and I have developed, through an intense period of training, the impressive ability to retrieve them from even the most discreet locations.

Baby wipes hold a certain appeal to me.  I find pulling them all from the package and tasting each one individually to be incredible rewarding.  Indeed, I believe I am now something of a connoisseur.

I am very musically minded.  I have a piano which plays a tune that appeals to me greatly and I like to play it on repeat.  My mummy’s reaction is particularly entertaining to me; her face contorts into hilarious expressions after the seventh time through.  I am also developing skills in percussion.  I have several rattling devices which can be smacked against a variety of surfaces to create different sounds, such as tables, chairs, walls and heads.

WORK GOALS

I believe I am most suited to shift work.  I am very comfortable working late nights and early morning.  Indeed I often insist everyone gets up at 1AM just for the pleasure of experiencing such rarely appreciated hours.

I would do well in a creative role.  When presented with a bowl of pasta or soup I am able to, with minimal effort create works of art so incredible that my Mummy takes photographs whilst crying out “Oh my God” and “Look at you” and “Nobody step in it!” due to her desire to preserve my creations for the maximum time possible.

I have excellent leadership skills and would suit a role in management.  I am able to elicit the desired responses from my family with ease, indeed their entire structure has been reshaped simply to accommodate my arrival into the workplace.  If I am able to achieve that within days of my birth, imagine what I’ll do over the following years.

RELATIONSHIPS WITH COLLEAGUES

I have excellent interpersonal skills.

My Mummy seems extremely willing to cater to my needs and willingly involves me in all her daily activities.  I am privy to such things as toilet use, showering, cooking, cleaning, wine drinking and crying.  I am allowed unfettered access to her breasts, indeed on occasion I have demanded access simply because I haven’t seen them in some time.  On being presented I am satisfied and refuse them, just to make sure she knows I am boss.

My Daddy clearly worships the ground I crawl on, and even though he regularly fails me by not offering me his own breasts, he seems most determined to achieve my happiness despite a substandard body.

My brother and sister seem very taken with me and allow me to take their toys without complaint.  When they do attempt complaint they are reminded that I am indeed only a baby and therefore their job is to accommodate my needs.  This is one of my favourite aspects of my currant position and I intend to make use of this for at least the next fifteen years.  Possibly more.

The Grandparents are particularly superb at catering to my needs.  A simple smile or fart elicits celebration of my skill and wonder beyond anything the ordinary family members have achieved in months.  I am certain that should our business relationship continue I will be able to engage in many hours of unprecedented chocolate eating, that which the Mummy and Daddy would no doubt attempt to complain about should they be privy.  I, however, know how to keep the workplace running smoothly and operate a policy of don’t ask, don’t tell.

PERSONAL STATEMENT

I, Baby Boo, believe no finer baby exists.  I am marvellous.  I am incredible.  Admire my toes, there are ten of them.  Ten!  And have you seen my thighs?  I am regularly reminded that they are fantastic and “squishable”.  I will fill any home with laughter.  I will fill any heart with love.  I am, quite simply, a wonder of the modern age.

 

 

You can check out all my contact info an links on www.jjbarnes.co.uk, I’m on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram so you can get in touch on there, as well as find links to all my work. There’s also www.sirenstories.co.uk which has all the work by both myself and Jonathan McKinney and loads of extra content such as background stories for different characters. If you want to subscribe on Patreon, its just $1 a month to help support our work and it also grants you access to our extra podcast a week, you can go to www.patreon.com/sirenstories.

Thanks as always for reading, and I’ll speak to you soon I hope!

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Baby’s First Bedtime

J.J. Barnes, Siren Stories, The Lilly Prospero Series, Rose And Mum And More, Mummy Blogger, Parenting Blog

Click to visit the Siren Stories website and read more work by J.J. Barnes and check out her latest novels.

This week we decided it was time to start Baby Boo on a bedtime routine.  When I say “we” I really mean “I” but he gives me his full support when I make decisions like this so I’m lumping him in with me.

I decided we would start on March 1st.  When she was smaller she spent much of her evening feeding, but as she has grown she has been tending to either have a long feed and then fall asleep in my lap, or be wide away and full of baby rage.  I took these as signs to mean she needs to be asleep, and when she isn’t she’s not happy.

We waited until March 1st as with the Sirens Launch book party on Tuesday 28th, there seemed no point attempting to establish a routine right before she would be jerked out of it again for a night out, so March 1st was set and we prepared ourselves for it.

I started Miss Rose on a bedtime routine at about the same age, and it hasn’t changed much since.  We’ve dropped the evening bath, she now spends a lot longer in the bath in the mornings, and she doesn’t have a boob or a bottle anymore, but for the most part what we set up in babyhood has lasted until now, so it was really easy to start with Boo in the same way.

J.J. Barnes, Rose And Mum And More, Siren Stories, The Lilly Prospero Series, Mummy Blogger, Parenting Blog

Photo credit Dagon

After dinner, Boo now eats her dinner at the same time as the Bigs, we go upstairs for quiet time.  We read picture books, lift the flap books, rhyme books.  We sit quietly upstairs chatting about what we’re reading with no TV, no music.

Fortunately Boo adores this time, as does Miss Rose, and they sit together on Rose’s bed laughing away.  Rose points things out in the books for Boo, who dutifully attempts to eat the pages.  Rose sings the songs and Boo laughs until she falls over backwards.  It’s a really lovely and contented way to round off the day.

After stories, Rose gets undressed and does her last wee on the toilet and then we brush teeth. I’ve been brushing Boo’s teeth since she first got them so I do Rose’s teeth with her brush then I do Boo’s little gnashers and clean off her gums.

After teeth it’s back into the bedroom and into pyjamas and then it’s last cuddles and conversations before quiet time.  I turn out the lights and, using the torch from my phone, read a book.  All three of us lie in Rose’s little bed, Boo in the middle having a breastfeed, and I read.  Currently I’m reading The Magician’s Nephew by C.S. Lewis and it’s a real joy.

Once both girls are asleep I take Boo and move her into her crib next to our bed.  So far she’s always disturbed a little so I give her another quiet feed and then settle her with a blanket.  I breastfeed her to sleep.  I know people say you shouldn’t, rod for your own back and all that, but I say balls to them because it’s my rod, my back, and it makes my baby go to sleep.

J.J. Barnes, Rose And Mum And More, Siren Stories, Mummy Blog, Breast Feeding Blog

Photo credit WerbeFabrik

The first time I did it was bizarre.  I walked downstairs feeling quite alone and peculiar.  I’m so used to her being with me that to be without her felt lonely.

She obviously heard my inner cries of despair and soon woke up, however, and so back up I went to do another breastfeed and another settle.

So far it is taking about an hour and a half from the first time she falls asleep to when she stays properly.  I’m going up and down, breastfeeding her quietly and then leaving again.

For the most part she’s not having a huge feed, she’s not crying because she’s hungry, she’s crying because she’s realising she’s alone and she doesn’t like it.  She’s never left alone.  I don’t feed her to fill her up, I feed her to reassure her, to comfort her.  To make sure she knows that if she needs me I’m there, she doesn’t need to be afraid, she’ll never be abandoned.  Over time she’ll start to take comfort in that fact and not wake up afraid that she’s alone because she’ll never fear that she’s alone.

Of course, I say that, but the big two still pile into our bed in the night because they don’t like being alone, but it usually takes a good few hours and really that’s all we need.

Some people don’t bother with a bedtime routine, indeed Jonathan didn’t with his ex wife for Z.  Z just stayed up until they went to bed.  Doing a bedtime routine isn’t something everyone subscribes to.  Then other’s do it earlier and more strictly.  My mother in law told me how from day one her boys were put to bed at bedtime and that’s how they learned.

I’m somewhere in the middle.

I couldn’t cope with never putting her to bed, I need my evenings.  I need my time away from children.   I need my time with Jonathan.  I need time to be quiet and wind down because children drain so much energy from me when I already have so little to give.

But I didn’t want to do a bedtime until I felt she was ready.  If she was feeding all evening then I’d rather have her with me so she could just be with the boobs she do desperately craved during those tiny months when all she wanted in the world was boobs, boobs, boobs, and more boobs.  And I do miss her.  She’s still so small I worry about her constantly when she’s not on me.  Of course, if I’m honest, I still worry about Miss Rose and have to repeatedly check that she’s surviving alone in bed throughout the evening too.  So I don’t suppose that will ever change.

J.J. Barnes, Siren Stories, The Lilly Prospero Series, Rose And Mum And More, Mummy Blogger, Feminist Blog

Photo credit Iquaraishi

For now her bedtime routine is working.  It’s eating a good size chunk out of my evening with repeated return visits, especially when I don’t stay up late as it is, but I know it’s not forever.  It’s only until she adjusts to the change in her life and stops feeling so peculiar about being left alone.  The key is, and I definitely believe this, not give in.  When I did this with Rose it was my first baby and I didn’t know what to do so I just made it up, but I am certain this time around that giving in is how to derail the entire affair.  If I can stick it out and just do repeated boobs and repeated settles, she’ll soon be sleeping in her own crib in the evening just fine.

Of course, then we have to go through what happens when I stop breastfeeding.  Then what happens when she stops having a bottle.  But honestly, my rod, my back, my baby.  These are all bridges I’ll cross when I get to them.  For now this is what works and I’m sticking to it!

You can check out all my contact info an links on www.jjbarnes.co.uk, I’m on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram so you can get in touch on there, as well as find links to all my work. There’s also www.sirenstories.co.uk which has all the work by both myself and Jonathan McKinney and loads of extra content such as background stories for different characters. If you want to subscribe on Patreon, its just $1 a month to help support our work and it also grants you access to our extra podcast a week, you can go to www.patreon.com/sirenstories.

Thanks as always for reading, and I’ll speak to you soon I hope!

This Is Hard

J.J. Barnes, Siren Stories, The Lilly Prospero Series, Rose And Mum And More, Mummy Blogger, Parenting Blog

Click to visit the Siren Stories website and read more work by J.J. Barnes and check out her latest novels.

I love my children.  I love them so much.  But raising them is the hardest challenge I have ever taken on in my entire life, and it’s one with no end in sight, no breaks.  I can’t put it down at the end of the day, I can’t walk away if it gets too tough, I can’t take a couple of weeks off to let myself recover.  I can’t take time off sick, which I could really use, and I’m on call 24 hours a day.

I love my children.  But being a mum is so hard.

My eldest daughter is the love of my life.  She is sweet and smart and funny.  She is loving and kind and gentle.  She makes me intensely proud of her day in day out, and I pine for her when we are apart.

Last night, after I had dealt firmly with a particularly difficult tantrum, I told her that I need to teach her how to function in society.  That I get angry with her not because she’s a bad girl, but because I need to teach her not to use bad behaviour.  I asked if she would rather grow up to have a home and a partner and children like I do, with a house full of happiness and fun, or if she wants to grow up to be alone and unhappy.  I told her that if she wants happiness and people around her I need to teach her not to behave like that.

Cuddled up in my lap, with tears streaked on her face, she told me she wants happiness when she grows up.  She told me she wants to be happy like she is when she’s with her nanny, not with me.

J.J. Barnes, Siren Stories, Rose And Mum And More Blog, The Lilly Prospero Series, Lilly Prospero And The Magic Rabbit, Mummy Blogger, Parenting Blog

Photo credit Greyer Baby

I broke my heart on the inside, but on the outside gave her a kiss and told her I’m happy when she’s with me.  Then I lay her down in bed and stroked her hair and stayed with her until she fell asleep.

She wants to be happy like when she is with her grandmother, not with me.

She is happier when she is not with me.

I cried.  I cried and I cried and I cried.

I phoned my mum, she told me it was nonsense.  I cried to Jonathan, who told me it was nonsense.

The thing is I know it is nonsense.  I know she said it to hurt me, she’s pushing my buttons to make a point.  I know that when I was in hospital and didn’t see her because I was so ill that she fell apart because she missed me so much.  I know that when she is poorly it’s me she needs.  I know when she’s sad it’s cuddles from me she craves.  I know.  I know that when she goes to nanny’s for sleepovers I get several Facetime calls because she misses me.  That she often cries for me in the night.  I know.

But even though I know the words are designed to hurt me, it doesn’t stop them from hurting me.  And right now I am so very tired.  And when I’m tired I’m vulnerable.  When I’m vulnerable I’m more easily hurt.

My baby daughter is the love of my life too.  She is my joy.  When she looks at me and laughs I have burst into tears of happiness.  The way she gazes at me adoringly fills me with warmth.  I’m watching her personality develop and she is becoming the most happy, adventurous, bold little girl.

She is breaking me.

She is in a phase where at around midnight she wakes up.  Not just wake up and be settled again, but wake up and be ANGRY.

Last night it was about half past eleven.  She woke up and she cried.  She howled.  She raged.

I tried breastfeeding her, she bit me.  I tried rocking her, she thrashed around.

How Jonathan slept through it I do not know because it was loud.  I’d have stayed put and just persevered but I feared she would wake up but big two, and three awake children was more than I could face.

So I took her downstairs and walked around with her, she cried but didn’t scream.  I went for a wee and put her down, she screamed.

J.J. Barnes, Siren Stories, Rose And Mum And More, The Lilly Prospero Series, Rose And Mum And More Blog, Parenting Blog, Mummy Blogger

Photo Credit Profile 31

Eventually I went back upstairs and just rocked her in bed and cried whilst she cried.  Eventually Jonathan woke up and offered a sympathetic hand on my back.  Even more eventually she fell asleep.  Blissful, blissful sleep.

I love my children so very much.  I adore them.  But this is so hard.

My big girl knows how to hurt me and does it.  My baby girl is on a one girl mission to melt my brain.

I love my children but this is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.  And there are no breaks.  And no escapes.

I don’t begrudge it.  I would never be without them.  But I am tired.

And this is hard.

You can check out all my contact info an links on www.jjbarnes.co.uk, I’m on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram so you can get in touch on there, as well as find links to all my work. There’s also www.sirenstories.co.uk which has all the work by both myself and Jonathan McKinney and loads of extra content such as background stories for different characters. If you want to subscribe on Patreon, its just $1 a month to help support our work and it also grants you access to our extra podcast a week, you can go to www.patreon.com/sirenstories.

Thanks as always for reading, and I’ll speak to you soon I hope!

Boob Biter

Click to visit the Siren Stories website and read more work by J.J. Barnes and check out her latest novels.

Click to visit the Siren Stories website and read more work by J.J. Barnes and check out her latest novels.

I love breastfeeding.  I love it for so many reasons.

I love that I don’t have to prepare feeds and sterilise bottles.  I love that it’s free.  I love that I can’t run out.  I love that I’ve always got it with me.  I love that it’s never the wrong temperature.  I love that it’s cuddly time.  I love that it’s a special thing just for us.  I love that it calms her when she’s sad and soothes her  when she’s in pain.  I love that it contains antibodies to fight infections.  I love that it’s nutritionally perfect for her, tailored to her needs.  I love that it reduces my chances of developing breast cancer.  I love how contented she looks as she cuddles into my chest, suckling away, then nodding off with a milk drunk smile.

For those that can and wish to, breast feeding is magical for a multitude of reasons and I cannot recommend it enough.

Photo credit WerbeFabrik

Photo credit WerbeFabrik

Apart from one thing.

Baby B has grown two front teeth and she is using them.  She is gripping down so hard on my nipple that I’m screaming in pain.  She’s clamping down so hard I have to physically pry her jaws apart.  She’s biting down then throwing her head back, sometimes whilst waving her head side to side.

It hurts.  I’m crying.

Because I keep taking her off she’s getting frustrated and angry.  Because she keeps biting me I’m getting frustrated and upset.  It ends with both of us in tears.  I’m falling apart.  I’m scared to latch her on and ending up in agony.

Today I was in Mothercare and miserably looking at bottles and formula milk when a lovely shop assistant recommended nipple shields to me.  With so much gratitude I bought them and joyfully found she latched on and fed.  She bit down still but I couldn’t feel it as much, though it still hurts.

I thought maybe it was solved, or at least a compromise I could cope with and not end up a sobbing wreck.  But now she’s refusing to feed if the shields are on, and getting herself into a hysterical state.  I gave up and took off the shields.  Because she’d worn herself out getting so upset, she fed for a moment before falling asleep, comforted by the warmth and familiarity.

She’s asleep now in my arms as I write this and if it could always be this simple I’d stop worrying.  But it isn’t.  And it won’t be.

Photo credit Gris Guerra

Photo credit Gris Guerra

I’m not ready to stop.  I don’t want to stop.  This is my last baby and breast feeding is such an intrinsic part of our relationship and my mothering experience.  After this I’ll never feed a baby again.  One day I’ll have to do my last ever breastfeed and it’s breaking my heart to imagine that day coming, I’m absolutely not ready for it yet.

But what do I do?  How do I make this work?  Please… please help me make this work.

You can check out all my contact info an links on www.jjbarnes.co.uk, I’m on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram so you can get in touch on there, as well as find links to all my work. There’s also www.sirenstories.co.uk which has all the work by both myself and Jonathan McKinney and loads of extra content such as background stories for different characters. If you want to subscribe on Patreon, its just $1 a month to help support our work and it also grants you access to our extra podcast a week, you can go to www.patreon.com/sirenstories.

Thanks as always for reading, and I’ll speak to you soon I hope!

When Is It Okay To Comment On Other People’s Parenting?

Click to visit the Siren Stories website and read more work by J.J. Barnes and check out her latest novels.

Click to visit the Siren Stories website and read more work by J.J. Barnes and check out her latest novels.

I don’t know about you, but since I became pregnant with my first daughter I have had other people pass comment on my mothering skills.  Whether it was doing too much or too little exercise whilst pregnant, or how I manage my child’s tantrums now she’s here, everyone has an opinion.

Now, you’re totally entitled to those opinions.  I’ve certainly seen strangers and I know of friends who make parenting decisions I myself wouldn’t make.   I have also made choices myself that I’ve even in the moment regretted because it doesn’t fit my “how to parent” voice in my head.  Thinking things is fine.  The question is, when do you comment?

Here’s my handy guide of things to ask yourself before you say something to parent dealing with a child in a way you disagree with.

  1. IS THIS MY CHILD?
  2. HAS MY OPINION BEEN ASKED FOR?
  3. IS THIS CHILD BEING DEALT WITH IN A CRIMINAL MANNER?

If the answer is no, then SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Obviously many people disagree with this, I know because many people choose to pass comment on my choices, and the choices of others.  So let me explain.

There are cases where children have conditions, mental or physical conditions that cause them to react to stimuli in a way different than you might be anticipating.  Perhaps they’re overwhelmed by crowds, perhaps they’re in a lot of pain.

There are cases where children are dealing with a huge trauma in their life, perhaps the loss of a parent or sibling, and just can’t process it in a mature way and lash out because of the distress they don’t understand.

But you know what?  In probably most cases, it’s simply a kid being a kid.  Perhaps they’re tired, or they’re hungry, or they’re just tantrumming because that’s what little kids do.  Maybe the mum is handling it badly because she’s tired, or hungry, or just needs to get home for a glass of wine and if giving in to the demand gets her there faster it’ll save her the embarrassment of crying in the middle of the Tesco aisle.

Photo credit Greyer Baby

Photo credit Greyer Baby

Sometimes we make choices for reasons you don’t have to understand and that’s okay.  And I’ll give you some examples.

When Rose was a baby I was pushing her pram and carrying her in my arms.  Why?  She had cried and wanted a cuddle, and I still had some place to be, so I picked her out and cuddled her as we walked.

“She’s manipulating you, you’re making a rod for your own back,” a stranger told me.

Was it his baby?  No.  Did I ask?  No.  Was I abusing her?  No.

What should he have done?  SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Perhaps she was manipulating me, but if she was learning that her distress makes me want to soothe her, I’m okay with that because it’s true.  Perhaps I was making a “rod for my own back” but since it’s my rod and my back, and therefore I’d be the one dealing with the consequences of it, why does it offend you so?

Another time Rose was having a meltdown in ASDA.  She was tired from swimming, she was hungry, and she just lost her mind.  She was kicking and thrashing and screaming.  Not because of any condition, not because of any trauma, just because she was two years old and not handling life in a mature way.  Because she was two.

I sat down next to her in the shop and let her scream.  I moved her out of people’s way when she got underfoot and just waited it out.

“You should give her a good smack,” someone commented under his breath as he walked past.

“I wouldn’t be letting her get away with that,” said some woman.

Their child?  No.  Did I ask?  No.  Was I abusing her.  No.

Was I a tired, emotional mother, clearly dealing with a difficult, albeit totally normal problem?  Yes.  Did I benefit from their input?  No.  Did Rose?  No.

What should they have done?  SHUT THE FUCK UP

Photo credit CRKMaga

Photo credit CRKMaga

Children are exhausting and complicated and life throws situations into the air that we just have to deal with.  Sometimes we make mistakes.  Sometimes we are doing the best we can with a bad situation.  All I know is that strangers passing judgment NEVER EVER HELPS.

Whether I’m breast feeding or bottle feeding, baby wearing or buggy pushing, indulging a tantrum or being tough.  It is absolutely none of your business.  None.

So when is it okay to comment on other people’s parenting?

Pretty much never.  Just assume never.  Just keep your mouth shut.  Keep your glaring faces elsewhere.  Think what you want but absolutely nobody will benefit from you verbalising your disapproval.  If you’re seeing us struggle with a tantrum you’ll only make us feel worse.  If we’re happily dealing with a child in a way you don’t approve of, you’ll just piss us off.

Seriously, if you’re a snarky comment passer have you ever had a parent say “Hey, thanks!  You’re right!  I’ve been parenting wrongly all this time, please sit down with me and teach me your wisdom?”

No?

THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP.

You can check out all my contact info an links on www.jjbarnes.co.uk, I’m on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram so you can get in touch on there, as well as find links to all my work. There’s also www.sirenstories.co.uk which has all the work by both myself and Jonathan McKinney and loads of extra content such as background stories for different characters. If you want to subscribe on Patreon, its just $1 a month to help support our work and it also grants you access to our extra podcast a week, you can go to www.patreon.com/sirenstories.

Thanks as always for reading, and I’ll speak to you soon I hope!

Public Breastfeeding, Still A Debate?!

Click to visit the Siren Stories website and read more work by J.J. Barnes and check out her latest novels.

Click to visit the Siren Stories website and read more work by J.J. Barnes and check out her latest novels.

It absolutely blows my mind that in 2016, it’s still a matter of debate whether women should be allowed to breastfeed their babies in public.  People genuinely have an issue with babies being fed in the way the human body is designed to feed them.

I’m going to have a look at a few of the comments on Twitter and discuss them.

If you can breast feed in public, I should be able to pee on a tree.

Genuinely.  This is what someone thinks.

Okay so, let’s look at this logically.  We will start from the basics and move on.

If this guy pees on a tree, he’s getting his penis out in public.  The penis is genitalia.  If a woman breastfeeds in public she’s taking a breast out in public.  Breasts are not genitalia.  Therefore, even just the implement itself is different in classification.

Urine and breastmilk, there’s a difference there also.  Urine is waste matter, breastmilk is life giving sustenance.  Urine is dirty, breastmilk is perfect.

Peeing on a tree exposes everything.  Breastfeeding does not.

Peeing on a tree is a selfish act.  Breastfeeding is completely not selfish as it’s using your body to sustain another.

Peeing in public isn’t legal.  Breastfeeding in public is.

Peeing is peeing.  Breastfeeding is feeding a baby!

This honestly screams “women’s bodies are disgusting and shameful and should be hidden when being used for anything other than male gratification” which is just misogyny at it’s finest.

Photo credit 102 MessManos

Photo credit 102 MessManos

Baby’s gotta eat! But let’s not wag ’em in everyone else’s face.

Wag.  Wag?  I breastfeed in public routinely because I’m a mother who goes out in public with a breastfeeding baby.  My boobs don’t wag.  They’re heavy and full of milk.  I hold my daughter, pop a boob straight from my top into her mouth, and then it just sits there whilst she feeds.  There’s no wagging.  There’s barely any movement. Out, feed, in.  This is an objection based on nothing that actually happens.

Attention ladies stop breast feeding in public it’s so awkward

Awkward?  For whom?  I bet this guy doesn’t object to a woman displaying her boobs in a slinky haltertop.  Or wearing a bikini.  I feed my baby anywhere and I never feel awkward because there’s nothing wrong with my body.

When I was a size 8 wearing sexy little outfits to go out dancing I showed more boob than I do when I’m feeding my baby and nobody felt awkward then so I assume it’s because when they’re on display to be sexy it’s for men, when they’re being used for their natural purpose of feeding a baby it’s not for men and that makes it “awkward.”  We’re taking away their wank material.  Awkward.

Photo credit WerbeFabrik

Photo credit WerbeFabrik

So I’m in the office & a corporate lady with a newborn needed our network to download software & she pops out a boob to breast feed :O

Firstly, good for her.  Being a working mother is exhausting.  Being a working mother to a newborn is even more exhausting.  Being a breastfeeding, working mother is even more exhausting still.

Secondly, so?  So she’s feeding her baby whilst working and you’re there.  Why is this an issue?  It should be a matter of respect.  It’s multitasking in the extreme.  The only shock face over this should be how she’s managing to balance two demanding parts of her life.  As someone doing it in a much less pressured setting than an office environment and often struggling, it’s truly remarkable.

Why do people expect to be allowed to breastfeed in shops etc?If I walked in with a I’d be told to fuck off too!

People eat in shops all the time.  Not a roast dinner, obviously, but food.  Snacks, drinks all sorts.  And people object in the same way to babies being breastfed in restaurants where food is literally being eaten everywhere!

Also, I’m fairly certain if a baby is screaming in hunger then that is far less pleasant for everyone, including the baby in question.  If the mum feeds the baby then the baby is happy and quiet and everyone can just enjoy their experience more comfortably.

Photo Credit Valeria Rodrigues

Photo Credit Valeria Rodrigues

idc what anyone say.. i’m ALL for breastfeeding. but people really act like they can’t pump that shit for when they’re in public!

Firstly you’re not “all for breastfeeding” if you’re against public breastfeeding.  That’s not all for breastfeeding.  That’s still believing there’s something shameful about it.

Secondly pumping doesn’t always work.  I’ve tried it and I cannot get enough out to feed my daughter.  It’s exhausting and doesn’t yield enough, whereas direct breast to mouth and she’s getting exactly what she needs.

Thirdly breast milk isn’t shit.

Fourthly, why should they?  If you want to pump do it, but pumping enough even when you’re physically able is practically a full time job.  It takes time away from feeding your baby, bonding with your baby, living your life, going out in public in the first place.  If you don’t have to pump, if you don’t want to pump, why not just use your breast, seeing as there is absolutely nothing wrong with a breast… and as you think you’re “all for breastfeeding” you should be all for breastfeeding.

Before formula, there was breast milk.  Before bottles there was breasts.  The human race has lasted this long because we are physically able to nurture our young using our bodies.  That’s incredible.  Women’s bodies are genuinely incredible.  We can grow these humans and feed them with nothing except what our bodies naturally do and that is truly remarkable.

If you object to breastfeeding in public but not to breasts being shown off in sexy tops, you’re a misogynist.  If you object to breastfeeding in public but don’t blink at adverts for push up bras in shop windows, you’re a misogynist.

A woman’s body is not disgusting or shameful and breastfeeding is what breasts are actually meant for.  We have breasts that make milk for this very reason.  Sure they’re pretty and fun and sexy, that’s a great second use for these amazing things, but first and foremost breasts and the milk they make is for the nourishment of our children.

If you don’t like it, don’t look.  Because our babies are more important than  your ridiculous opinions.

You can check out all my contact info an links on www.jjbarnes.co.uk, I’m on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram so you can get in touch on there, as well as find links to all my work. There’s also www.sirenstories.co.uk which has all the work by both myself and Jonathan McKinney and loads of extra content such as background stories for different characters. If you want to subscribe on Patreon, its just $1 a month to help support our work and it also grants you access to our extra podcast a week, you can go to www.patreon.com/sirenstories.

Thanks as always for reading, and I’ll speak to you soon I hope!

6 Reasons Baby Number Two Is Easier Than Baby Number One

Click to visit the Siren Stories website and read more work by J.J. Barnes and check out her latest novels.

Click to visit the Siren Stories website and read more work by J.J. Barnes and check out her latest novels.

Raising my second daughter is a hugely different experience to raising my first.  Despite having my first daughter, a step son, and a career going on at the same time, which should make the experience altogether harder, it is in fact significantly easier.

I’ll explain why.

1) I DON’T WORRY ABOUT MILESTONES

When I first had Rose I googled everything.  I knew what she should be able to do at every stage in her life, scoured the emails I got listing what she should be achieving, and I obsessed about it.

I trust my instincts far more this time.  If I think something’s wrong I’ll seek advice from professionals, but I don’t need to constantly monitor every last thing she does, or doesn’t do, and because of that I’m not being told by various different internet “experts” that something’s wrong that isn’t.

They get there in the end.  Sure, if she seems significantly delayed in an area I’ll get her seen, but I generally I just don’t care.  She’ll get there when she’s ready.

2) I DON’T CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK

With Miss Rose I wanted to prove I could do it.  I wanted to show people I could be a good mum and that meant I wanted them to think I’m a good mum, and that meant I had to do the things they thought make you a good mum.

And everyone thinks different things!  Whether it’s breastfeeding, co-sleeping, what they wear, where you take them… everyone will have an opinion on what you should or should not be doing.

Now I just don’t care.  I know I can do it because I’ve already done it, and what other people think just doesn’t matter.  I parent my way, not their way.  She’s my child, not their child.

3) I CO-SLEPT FROM THE START

With Miss Rose it took weeks of nightly misery before I eventually succumbed to co-sleeping and I felt like I was a failure.  I agonised over it and swore I would put a stop to it as soon as I was able.  I felt ashamed of myself.

This time?  We have a c0-sleeper crib on the side of the bed.  Sometimes she goes in it, sometimes she doesn’t.  It gives us space on the side of the bed that she can safely roll into without the threat of falling out of bed and I just don’t worry about it.  She breastfeeds all night sometimes, on and off others, and just a bit on rare ones.  But whatever kind of feeding night it is I don’t have to move more than just slightly changing position to offer her the other nipple.  She sleeps contentedly because she is against me, warm and safe, and never feels cold or alone or afraid.  She is content and secure.  She literally never cries at night.

4) SHE WEARS WHAT I WANT TO PUT HER IN

Don’t put your little girl in pink, always dress a newborn in white, never leave a baby in a onesie all day.  Always dress girls like girls, babies should wear bright patterns, dressing a baby up is selfish and makes them uncomfortable.

These thoughts were banging around in my head as the words of passing strangers, family and friends all rocketed about.  What am I supposed to dress her in!?!

With Baby B she wears what I fancy dressing her in.  Today she’s just wearing soft cotton onesie.  Other days she wears a pretty dress and flowery tights, other times dungarees or leggings.  Because honestly, it just does not matter.

5) I HAVE DISTRACTIONS

With Miss Rose I gave up work, had very little to do other than raise her, and I was obsessed.  I knew every little thing she did at every moment.  I knew everything about her.  I obsessed over her.  Because nothing else was around to take my attention.

As hard as it is getting everything done whilst trying to raise and breastfeed a newborn, the constant barrage of distractions from work as well as the other children means I just do not notice or have time to worry about the small stuff.  I don’t have the time to obsess that I used to.

It’s not that I care less, or even really that I worry less, it’s simply that I don’t have time to indulge in those concerns and therefore have to just assume everything’s okay.  And it is!

6) I’M MORE SUPPORTED

With Miss Rose I lived out in the countryside in a beautiful big house that was extremely isolated.  I had no friends with children, at least not at first, and the friends I did have worked all week so I didn’t get to see them much anyway.  I lacked adult interaction, and because my husband at the time was away a lot and not very involved, I felt extremely alone.

This time my partner is very involved, I have friends, I live in town close to other people, and I have regular contact with people who help and offer kindness and understanding.  And it makes a HUGE difference.  I know now that it’s something I need to ensure I maintain as well, and I do.

 

 

Of course, elements do make it harder.  There’s no doubt I’m completely drained with trying to keep up with everything, I have less time and attention for all of the children, and I worry that everyone suffers because of it… but for the most part adding Baby B to the family has been so much easier than I expected, and so much easier than when I had Miss Rose.

You can check out all my contact info an links on www.jjbarnes.co.uk, I’m on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram so you can get in touch on there, as well as find links to all my work. There’s also www.sirenstories.co.uk which has all the work by both myself and Jonathan McKinney and loads of extra content such as background stories for different characters. If you want to subscribe on Patreon, its just $1 a month to help support our work and it also grants you access to our extra podcast a week, you can go to www.patreon.com/sirenstories.

Thanks as always for reading, and I’ll speak to you soon I hope!